


Cracks and Trying Times

by bthumanity



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, From a prompt I saw on tumblr, I'm not too sure where I'm going with this, give it a try ?, please be kind
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 03:26:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6736147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bthumanity/pseuds/bthumanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Let's say girls and boys could play in one volleyball team together, and that Kageyama's s/o is the only girl on the team, and she injured herself a long time ago. And when they lose the nationals, and come second, the girl tries to cheer up everyone, and being so upset, Hinata says, "Well, it's not like you even helped."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cracks and Trying Times

(1/3)

"Well, it's not like you even helped."

(Y/n) stopped in her tracks, eyes red and wide, releasing a strangled gasp. Those poisonous words struck a delicate chord in her, a fear she hoped wasn't real.

She wasn't enough.

She didn't do enough.

She was a burden to this team.

A bitter smile graced her lips as she looked dead straight at Hinata with dulled eyes.

"You're right Hinata. I couldn't do enough. I wasn't enough to lighten this team's burden."

_The pain was sharp, like a blade. A heavy thud echoed out in the gymnasium. (Y/n) was on the polished, wooden floor, curled up into a ball._

_Thick, tangible silence hung in the air._

_"(Y/n)?"_

_A pained grunt, followed by a strangled sob escaped (y/n). Her knee was burning in pain, like several knives were slicing through her skin. Her head pounded as she tried to sit up._

_At that sound, Kageyama immediately dropped the ball he was holding and ran over to her, worried. His usual stern face was replaced by a softer and more concerned expression. The other members soon followed his lead, crowding around their only female member on the team. Ukai-kun too kneeled beside her, trying to assess the situation._

_"Where does it hurt (y/n)-san ?"_

_"My-my knee and my h-hea-head."_

_Her voice trembled, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. She faced the floor, attempting to cover her tears and maintain a calm facade._

_A grim expression crossed Ukai-kun's face before he looked at Hinata._

_"Hinata, tell Takeda-sensei to start his car. I'm going to bring (y/n) to the clinic." Turning his head to (y/n), he asked gently,"Do you think you can stand up (y/n) ?"_

_Before she could even attempt to do so, Kageyama switched his position from beside her to in front of her, squatting with his back facing her._

_"Get on."_

_(Y/n)'s body shook from that gesture, thankful to Kageyama that she didn't have to reply, for she was sure if she did, the dam she was trying so hard to hold back would break. (Y/n) slid herself closer to Kageyama, attempting to hold back the groans of pain fighting to be heard._

_Suddenly, (y/n) was lifted slightly off the floor by her armpits. She let out a small gasp of surprise before she wrapped her arms around Kageyama's neck. Burying her face into Kageyama's neck, she whispered a small thank you to whoever it was before Kageyama stood up to his full height._

_"Wait, before you go..."_

_Asahi wringed his hands, looking downwards at the floor. His eyes were glassy and wide as he opened his mouth._

_"I-I'm terribly sorry (y/n). I-"_

_Asahi's voice cracked at the last word and that was all he managed to say before tears began streaming down his face ferociously. He bowed to (y/n) with his fists clenched tightly by his side, regretful for causing such an accident right before volleyball season._

_(Y/n) hearing how regretful the gentle giant was, mumbled a quiet it's okay, barely audible if not for the heavy silence in the gym. She buried her head into Kageyama's neck before letting out small shudders of pain. With that, the only sounds that could be heard in the gym was the firm tap tap sounds of Kageyama's shoes._

Kageyama was utterly shocked.

Kageyama thought that he had banished all those poisonous thoughts with his hugs and reassuring words. How could he not have noticed the fear (y/n) had of not being enough ? How could he have not, after spending almost every day with her, training with her and wiping away her tears ?

His obliviousness and foolishness to believe that (y/n) was truly fine after the incident had his blood boiling. But even so, he could not, for the life of him, believe Hinata's cheek to accuse (y/n) like that.

 _How dare_ Hinata say she didn't do enough.

 _How_ _dare_ Hinata say she wasn't enough.

 _How dare_ Hinata imply that the team lost because of her.

He was there for her, for almost every single minute following her injury. He was there when she was trying so hard to heal, so hard to find new strategies for the team, so hard to make a decent contribution.

She made it through all the tough times, those poisonous moments when she thought she was useless, a burden to the team and envied them for being able to participate. To Kageyama, she had placed in the most effort, had shed more blood, sweat and tears, had greater team spirit than anyone else.

He could hear her screams, her cheers, her overwhelming support in every single match. He could hear her happiness and the pride she had for them after every match.

Didn't Hinata know how hard she had worked for the team ?

_Kageyama padded down the hallway to (y/n) quietly, wanting to surprise her. He missed the bright smile (y/n) had wherever she went. Nowadays, she resembled a gloomy cloud, brooding and dark. In his hands were several paper bags, filled with all (if not most) of the things (y/n) liked. He could barely hold back his excitement of surprising (y/n) and bringing a smile to that beautiful face._

_Just as he was about to turn the doorknob, there was a great bang. Then another. This time louder. Then, there was a moment of silence that passed, making Kageyama think that whatever sounds that had just occurred were stuff falling down from the shelves._

_Suddenly, the noises started up again, more consistently now and louder too. It started up again along with hysterical screams and heartbroken wailings. Immediately, Kageyama burst into the room, worried that (y/n) had further injured herself._

_The room was in a mess._

_Half-opened books were laying on the floor, face-down, in addition to the crumpled volleyball uniform that lay at the bottom of the wall. The bed was unmade, with the bed sheets messed up. Pillows were haphazardly thrown on the floor, along with several plush toys of volleyballs and a chibi version of herself that Kageyama got for her birthday. It looked as if a Category 5 hurricane had just touched down in her room._

_And in the middle of all the chaos was (y/n) herself._

_She was sobbing her eyes out, incoherent screams ripping out of that tiny body. Messy and frizzy hair and her trembling form had only made her seem more hysterical. Her hands were clutching her shirt, scratching violently at it as if her chest was physically hurting. Hoarse screams echoed in the chaotic room as (y/n) clutched at her shirt tighter and bent downwards, quivering._

_Kageyama, horrified by the scene, immediately ran over and embraced (y/n) tightly. He could feel the hot tears staining his shirt, and the small shudders (y/n) let out when she let out loud sniffles. His heart clenched at the heartbreaking sounds (y/n) made, pained whines and grunts that delivered several hard punches to his gut and tore violently at his heart._

_"I'm such a burden Kageyama." Her voice hitched before continuing,"I can't even do anything for the team !" Hysterical sobs followed that and Kageyama's heart clenched upon hearing (y/n)'s depressing thoughts._

_Kageyama pressed (y/n) closer to his chest before quietly saying," You're not a burden. You are anything but a burden." He took a shuddering breath,"Just because of an injury, it doesn't make you less valuable. If anything, it makes you even more valuable because everyone would have realised the big hole you left when you did get injured."_

_Stroking (y/n)'s head gently, Kageyama smiled softly and said," There's other ways to contribute to the team you know. You can always read up on our opponents, show us videos about new techniques and healing yourself as fast as you can. You're not a burden. And I'm sure everyone feels the same."_

_An image of the whole team entered both their minds as they remembered the precious times spent with them. A moment of silence passed them, with Kageyama stroking her hair gently and (y/n) slowly but surely, calming down. Finally, a small voice broke the silence in the room._

_"You promise ?" A small, muffled voice asked, as (y/n) buried her head deeper into his chest._

_"I promise."_

His despair from losing forgotten and overcome with seething anger of this incredulous accusation, Kageyama stopped in his tracks, turned and glared at Hinata. His fists were clenched by his sides, shaking, as if he was holding back the urge to punch Hinata. The rest of the team watched as the scene unfolded, still shocked with Hinata's words. Silence hung in the air, tangible, much like a stretched rubber band as they waited for Kageyama's words.

"How could you...."

Hinata's glare was directed from (y/n) and towards Kageyama now, after hearing Kageyama's muttering. His glare increased tenfold, his frustration from losing the match grating on his nerves.

In a blink of an eye, Kageyama had Hinata's collar in his hands as he lifted him up. His eyes, burning with anger, stared into golden brown and his lips were set in a menacing scowl.

"How DARE you accuse (y/n) for the reason we lost !" Kageyama growled at Hinata threateningly, staring angrily into Hinata's eyes. "Don't you know how hard she worked?! Are you blind to not see how much tears she had shed to support this team?! YOU DUMBASS!" Kageyama shouted, shaking Hinata furiously.

Hinata retaliated, kicking Kageyama in the stomach, which caused him to be suddenly released from Kageyama's grip. His shoulders were heaving as he looked up into Kageyama's eyes. With a bitter smile, he muttered,"Well, she's always too busy caring for herself to help right?"

Kageyama's eyes widened in shock, blazing, his jaw opened slightly. In a blink of eye, Hinata was no longer standing and was now on the floor, cradling his jaw. Kageyama stood over him, his right fist, now red, with shoulders heaving up and down rapidly.

"How could you...?"

A low chuckle escaped Hinata. The team looked on, appalled by Hinata's behaviour and even more so at his accusations.

"We lost. We lost because (y/n) pulled us down with that injury of hers. Don't you agree ?" Hinata smiled bitterly at Kageyama before looking down onto the floor, sadness and frustration clearly tainting his features.

Kageyama made a face of disgust as he looked down at Hinata. His eyes were furrowed and lips set into a snarl. His mind was hazy with anger, fists clenched tightly at his sides. Looking directly into Hinata's eyes, Kageyama muttered,"Well, if someone had worked harder at practicing different spikes,maybe we wouldn't have lost."

Hinata's eyes widened at that blow, before he himself was growling at Kageyama. He launched himself at Kageyama, like a bullet, shouting," How dare you say I didn't do EVERYTHING I CAN. I DID. YOU BASTARD!"

The gym broke into chaos as the two attacked each other, pulling hair and punching. Tanaka and Nishinoya reacted immediately, jumping into the conflict and trying to pry the boys away from one another. Now held back by their senpais, they began spitting horrid accusations at one another, all the while struggling to break free.

Yachi was crying in the background beside (y/n), saddened to see the quirky duo raining insults after insults on each other. Kiyoko had pressed (y/n) into her chest, trembling, trying to hold back her tears as she blocked the view of the two boys fighting from (y/n). (Y/n) didn't need anymore stress or worry that she had caused this rift.

Ennoshita was running towards the group of girls, with orders from Suga-senpai to bring them out of the gym and onto the bus first. He herded the group out gently, hands on their backs as he guided them out of the chaotic gym.

Daichi were shouting at the two boys with their hands on their hips, assuming an assertive stance. The two boys immediately shut up, but were still glowering at each other, muscles taut and ready for any attacks.

Daichi was glared at them, angry clearly and disappointed in their atrocious behaviour. His lips was tightly closed, his eyebrows pulled down together. Looking from one boy to the other, Daichi gave them a stern glare, with fierce eyes that instantly made them behave.

"Both of you. Enough with your nonsense. The team's going to go home now and if you guys don't stop it, you will be walking back home to Miyagi yourselves. Are we clear ?"

Daichi's firm and fierce voice boomed in the gym as he looked at them for their response. They both nodded, although still angry at the other, knowing the consequences if they don't. Tanaka and Nishinoya released them cautiously, glancing at each other before they did so. Kageyama was adjusting his uniform coolly, with his usual stern face and frown. Hinata, on the hand, was looking at the floor, his shoulders slumped.

A gentle hand was placed on Daichi's broad shoulders before a soft voice resounded in the gym.

"Let's get you all patched up and on the bus, shall we ?"

Suga's tone was motherly and warm as he said those words. Calm and soothing. He nudged Daichi towards Kageyama before passing towards Hinata himself.

Wrapping an arm around Hinata's shoulders, Suga guided him out of the gym, with Noya close behind. Suga squeezed Hinata gently, hoping that it had brought some sort of comfort to him.

Behind, Daichi patted Kageyama's back a few times, silently comforting him, before he too placed an arm around the boy's shoulders and guided him out. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Karasuno reflects about the leaving of their beloved third-years and the impact of Hinata's crude words is revealed.

The ride back to school was silent, with the exceptions of the sound of paper wrappings of the plasters being torn and the soft murmuring from Suga. Everybody was reeling in shock in what had happened between the duo and were replaying crucial moments of the match in their heads, blaming themselves for their loss. They were all disappointed at themselves, for not being enough, for not being better, for not being strong enough to emerge triumphant. Their faces were grim, lips set into a thin line.

The kouhais were especially saddened, even more so than their senpais, for not being able to be strong enough to give their senpais' victory, for not being able to realise their senpais' dreams, for not being able to ensure that the senpais' hard work had indeed paid off.

They couldn't do that.

And that was what they were all regretting about. Internally beating themselves up for it, feeling as if the whole blame should be placed on them for that moment of hesitation, or that moment where they fumbled. They couldn't close their eyes, for if they did, those moments, where they could have earned a point, replayed in their minds, amplified and vivid.

It was painful.

They watched as the trees went by, wondering what life would be like without the third years there to guide them.   
  
_Who_ would be there to stop all their crazy antics ?

 _Who's_ going to remind them to do their homework and be back home in time for dinner ?

 _Who's_ going to buy them pork buns after training now ?

Once back in school, they were all herded into the gym by Takeda-sensei, his voice soft and comforting to the boys. Ukai-kun was already inside the gym, seated on his bench as he observed them. Both adults felt the sombre mood, the feeling of regret tangible in the air.

The boys plonked themselves on the floor, looking down on the floor, still caught up in their own thoughts and memories. The girls stood behind the boys, with Kiyoko and Yachi and either side of (y/n). Once they had settled down, Ukai-kun began speaking.   
  
Many a times, Ukai-kum himself looked as if he was barely holding himself together, a strange emotion - an emotion between sadness and anger perhaps - could be seen reflected in his eyes as he talked about how proud he was of Karasuno and how they had so much potential that was yet to be unlocked. He told them tales of never giving up and of how they should use this defeat as their newfound source of motivation.

Finally, he took a shuddering breath before continuing,"To the third years, I thank you for your contribution to this team. I wish you well in your future endeavours and hope that you will be able to come back to help as much as possible." Ukai-kun made a signal for everyone to stand up, which they did, and they turned to the third years with tears brimming in their eyes.

All at once, they bowed and shouted earnestly,"THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

Their heartfelt thanks echoed in the school gym, the place where most of their fun times took place. The place was filled with precious memories, right from the start where the third years had stepped up their game, till the end, where they had trained their kouhais to bring Karasuno to glory. The third years' eyes brimmed with tears (Asahi was on the verge of bursting into tears) as they smiled at the team, proud that they themselves had grown so much since the start of their own journey.

Daichi was standing behind Suga, biting his lip as he struggled not to let his emotions get the best of him. He patted Suga's back gently, as Suga suddenly burst out into tears. Suga, the person who had no doubt given his utmost care and attention to every single one of them (even going as far as making bentos for them sometimes) was so proud of them and yet so worried about how they would be able to cope without him, opened his arms wide with tears glazing over his hazel eyes, silently inviting the team for a hug.

Noya and Hinata were the first people to react, bolting into his arms as soon as they opened. Tanaka and Kageyama followed after that, both biting their lips with tears threatening to overflow. The rest soon followed, some tumbling over and some padding over slowly. Tsukishima, with red eyes, was pulled along by Yamaguchi, looking displeased.

The team became one huge emotional mess as they hugged the third-years tightly, not ever wanting them to leave them behind.

"Make sure you listen to Ennoshita okay ? Don't give him too much grief. Make sure to have enough rest, don't overwork yourselves okay ? Make sure you go back home in time for dinner after practice okay ?" Suga sniffled, his eyes watery. He looked at all his kouhais in his arms before bursting into tears, his voice cracking," I'm going to miss all of you so much."

Daichi joined in with the group hug, his eyes also watery. As much as this team had given him so much grief, he treasured this team as if they were family. He was going to miss seeing those smiles when he handed them pork buns at the end of training and he was going to miss seeing them running around wildly in the gym, causing him so much trouble. He was going to miss them so much. But of course, he knew, that there were going to be those small snippets of time where he would be free enough to just check in on them and even help Ennoshita with any team problems, if any.

This certainly wasn't the last time they would see them, but it was certainly the last time they would play on the official court with them. Their reign has come to an end and a new era for Karasuno begins here.

~~~~~

The atmosphere in the club room was rather heavy, yet, there was a small glimmer of hope and anticipation for what the future holds for Karasuno. The boys packed the items they had left in the room silently, except for a few outbursts of laughter and teasing.

Daichi had promised them pork buns at the end of today, along with an extra treat - any drink or sweet they'd liked to have. Suga had produced a tote bag full of goodie bags, custom made for each team member (including the managers). Asahi had brought a large packet of assorted sweets to share amongst them and even Kiyoko had brought handmade treats and cards for them (Tanaka and Noya began crying again).

Kageyama looked around the club room, trying to spot (y/n). He was worried about her, having last seen her only before the fight.

Yaichi, who caught Kageyama looking around, asked hesitantly," Kageyama, are you looking for (y/n) ?"

The noise in the club room suddenly settled, silence overpowering in the room now.

Kageyama grunted in reply before shoving his uniform into his sports bag and slinging it casually over his shoulder.

"Erm... She went home early, her father had picked her up right after Coach Ukai's speech," Yaichi mumbled as she hesitantly looked at Kageyama.

Kageyama's eyes widened a tad bit at that information but otherwise there was little that his poker face could give away about his reaction to this particular piece of information. He grunted a quick thank you in reply before quietly saying," I'll head off to the convenience store first."

With that, Kageyama exited the club room, leaving as swiftly as he could. He walked on the deserted path to the store, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket, listening to how his feet scuffed against the pavement on evey step and his rhythmic breathing. The area around him was quiet, silent and still, with the exceptions of the insects that hummed late at night. Looking up to the dark night sky, he gave a sigh, his mind and heart in a mess.

Kageyama rubbed his face with his hands tiredly before letting his shoulders slump from the exhaustion of today's events. Suddenly, the silence of the night was pierced through by the shouts of his name.

"Kageyama !"

Daichi waved his arms widely before motioning for Kageyama to stop. He then jogged over to him before patting him on the back and continuing their journey.

" _Psst, Daichi."_

_Suga's whisper fluttered into his ears as he saw Suga motioning to him to come nearer. He then looked around the clubroom cautiously, trying to make sure that no one was eavesdropping on their conversation._

_"Daichi. As much we're graduating, I refuse to leave the club in a state where everyone's awkward with each other." He looked at Daichi with determination in his eyes before continuing,"You and I are going to intervene in this fight that that wacky duo had and we are going to iron things out alright ?"_

_Suga looked at Daichi, eager to see his understanding and approval for this plan of his. However, Daichi only stared at Suga quizzically._

_"Do you understand ? We're going to try make Kageyama and Hinata make peace with each other. Get it ?"_

_Daich nodded his head slowly and with his eyebrows furrowed, replied,"Yes I understand that but I don't get why we have to intervene." He looked at Suga with lips set into a frown," I mean, for all the previous times, we didn't have to intervene and they had managed to resolve it any problems they had and even gave us something better than expected. So why...?"_

_Suga shook his head briefly before letting out a loud sigh," For all those other times, there wasn't a third party. It was entirely about volleyball and their abilities in the game. This time... This time it's personal. (Y/n)'s hurt, surely without a bit of help, our kouhais wouldn't know how to solve this conflict by themselves." Closing his eyes, Suga rubbed his face with his hands before continuing,"That's why Daichi, that's why."_

_Daichi hummed in understanding, as he placed his neatly folded uniform into his sports bag. Slinging his bag on his shoulder, he then asked," So you go to Hinata and I go to Kageyama and we make them want to ask for the other's forgiveness ? Yes ?"_

_"Yep."_

_Daichi smiled softly at Suga before ruffling his hair and whispering," You did good today." Swiftly after that, Daichi announced that he was going to go on first before leaving the clubroom promptly._

Now, here Daichi was, standing beside Kageyama in absolute silence. Clearly, Kageyama was deep in thought and Daichi didn't really exist in his mind as of this moment. Therefore, it came as a total surprise to Daichi when Kageyama was the one to break the silence between them.

"Sawamura-san... Did you regret anything during that last match ?"

Taken aback by the question itself, Daichi was silent for a minute, thinking if he really did regret anything in the span of his high school volleyball career.

In all honesty, there wasn't much to regret about when came to volleyball. Of course, there was always those few times that he was called to the Principal's office to take responsibility for his kouhai's actions (read Tanaka and Noya making trouble) and those times where it was absolutely overwhelming trainings - but Suga was always there, always supporting him. But in the end, it was absolutely worth it to be able to spend so much time with them, to be able to see them grow and mature.

The matches were also, in Daichi's perspective, thrilling. Sure they were always knocked down and underestimated, but it only gave Daichi so much more motivation yo prove them wrong. Besides that, he was able to meet all sorts of people - Bokuto, Kuroo, Iwaizumi - and learnt so many skills during his years playing in the team.

"Hmm... I can't say that I don't regret anything immediately after that last match, but I do understand that everyone has given their full hundred percent and beyond. I believe... That the bitterness of losing makes people regret their last match. But if you do know that every single one of your team members had poured sweat, blood and soul into their every effort, which I do, then there shouldn't be anything to regret. So thinking about it now, a few hours after our match, I don't regret anything at all Kageyama."

Daichi's warm, hazel eyes then stared at Kageyama's solemn figure before questioning in that baritone voice of his," Do _you_ regret anything ?"

~~~~~

To say that (y/n) was tired was an understatement.

Her voice felt as if it was rubbed raw and red from all the screaming that she did earlier, her muscles felt sore and achy from carrying the signs and other props, but most of all, her emotional state was a mess.

It was tempting really - to just give in and believe in the hurtful words thrown carelessly at her. To some extent, (y/n) knew it was the truth - maybe she really was too absorbed in herself - those times where she had asked Kageyama to help with her own practice could be used by Kageyama in a much more productive manner, those times where she had spent too much time in healing herself could have been used to help the others - but (y/n) knew, it just has to be, a spur of the moment comment about (y/n).

Considering the tense situation after their loss, it would have made absolutely sense for Hinata to vent his frustrations on her, wouldn't it ?

It wasn't Hinata's fault for spitting out those vicious words in the gym then. It wasn't his fault then, for venting his anger on her. In fact, she should expected it. It is after all, normal for members to be angry after losing such an important match.

Yes. Yes it was normal (y/n) concludes.

But it didn't matter much about whether it was normal or not, (y/n) still couldn't erase the shadow of insecurity hiding in the back of her mind, couldn't erase the stabbing pain she felt when Hinata's comment rang clear in her mind.

And then, as if her mind finally caught up to what she was telling herself were simply words frabicated in her foolish mind, the pain came back, overwhelming her once again and crashing against her so violently, almost drowning her in it.

A sob was caught in the back (y/n) throat, as her breaths began to become shorter and more irregular, her eyes scrunched together, trying to rid herself of the demeaning voice in her mind.

Maybe she really was being selfish.

Maybe she really did focused on herself too much.

Maybe she was too self-centred, never paying enough attention to the others.

Maybe that was the truth.

And if it was, indeed, the truth truly hurts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAH I'm so sorry the chapter's kinda short and updates are slow :( I kinda still don't know where I'm going to end this fic. I don't know whether I want to add a lil' bit more drama or just focus on the relationship itself :/ Please comment and maybe suggest an idea about how this might play out ? Thank you for supporting me though :D

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated.


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